There's another first in this issue: a movie review not written by me! Okay, it's written by someone living under the same roof, but hey, progress is progress.
It gave me my first chance in years, since the time I was assembling group-written MST3K fan fiction, to act like an editor. "What's 'heroid'?" I asked him after reading it.
"Where?"
"Where it says `ferret-on-heroid-and-four-double-...'"
"Oh, that's supposed to be `heroin'."
"You're sure heroin is a stimulant?"
"Pretty sure."
"I think I might look that up. So what's `Y. O. S. & H. N.' stand for?"
"You've seen A Clockwork Orange?"
"Yes."
"Remember what Alex called himself?"
"Yeah, `your humble narrator' or something..."
"No, `Your Obedient Servant and Humble Narrator'."
"That seems a little obscure."
"Lots of people have seen A Clockwork Orange."
"Yeah, but to go from initials..."
"Here, I'll expand it."
"It'll look pompous to people who don't get it."
"No it won't."
In the end, I cut it. From the look on Chris's face, he felt just like a real columnist.
[Online correction: whoops, no, I deleted it from the wrong file. It made it into the printed copy, so I've left it in this version, too.]